Like a Lamb to Slaughter

Consider yourselves warned this is going to be a long and sassy post, mostly because I can't sleep.  But please keep us in your prayers. 

I just wanted to let you all know how my meeting with the Breast Surgeon went.  I am still processing it all, especially since everything was going so well with the chemo treatments.  (I was actually starting to hope and plan on my remission party.......needless to say that all that is going to be put on hold, ugh)

Anyways I am scheduled for a double mastectomy and lymph node dissection for February the 10th, which I am really excited for.  I honestly can't wait to have the cancer removed from my body.  So all that is good to go.  My surgeon came highly recommended to me, and I think she will do an amazing job.  I really do like her, she is a impressive woman.

We were told that I would be undergoing radiation shortly afterwards, that was the part we were completely unprepared for.  I always knew that it would be a possibility.   However, we were under the impression that it was a very small chance and that the decision would be made after the pathology came back from surgery.  The phrase "Like a lamb to slaughter" kept coming to my mind.  Here I was expecting good news to be had only to find that my battle would not be ending any time soon.

My doctors think that this is the best course of action.....so naturally I am going to suck it up and do it.  The radiation is going to act as the insurance policy that this crud never returns.  Its basically the just in case chemo didn't get it, and just in case surgery didn't get it, then this will kill whatever may be left behind.  And since I'm so young there is always an increased chance that it could return.  Her exact words were "You've got a lot more time than someone who is diagnosed with cancer later in life.  (Still not sure what to make of that statement....I'm excited to hear that they think I going to be around for awhile.......not real thrilled about the greater risk of occurrence) 

Radiation means that I will have to go into the doctors office everyday for 6 to 8 weeks, the exact timeline is still up in the air.  I am really not excited about the time commitment that this is going to require.  But I am desperately trying to remain positive, I keep telling myself that I am lucky to be able to fight.  I've met many terminal cancer patients during my time spent at KU med that would love to be in my shoes.  So I am trying my darned hardest not to wine or complain too much, but I won't lie I'm pretty devastated.

This will basically push all my G.I. and reconstructive surgeries back further as well.  I should also probably mention that KU med dropped a few major balls.  I was suppose to meet with my surgeon half way through my chemo treatment, however that appointment never got scheduled.  (They are in charge of scheduling, which drives me nuts.....because everyone knows I would not have made that sort of mistake).  So now I am running around like a crazy person meeting with plastic surgeons (the people in charge of giving me nicer boobs than I was born with)  I guess they need to see what I am currently working with to formulate some sort of plan for my future breasts.  Good luck to them! 

Ha! I honestly never in a million years thought I would get a boob job, but here we are.  Because of everything else that needs to happen, radiation and GI surgery the reconstruction most-likely won't happen until next fall.  This made me giggle slightly...... they thought that telling me I could be fitted for a prosthetic breast would make me feel better about running around boobless for 8 months or so.  Prosthetic breast?!  I guess it is basically a bra with a silicon implant that I could wear until I'm able to have the surgery.  My mind was blown and I didn't really know what to think or how to respond to this suggestion.  So I just started laughing, and it was awkward.

Also I am having to meet with the radiologist as well, to get some sort of plan formulated there.  Anyways all this is usually done over a couple of months, but because I was somehow forgotten I get the lovely task of doing all this in a matter of weeks.  Awesome, I am lucky I have mad organization skills and that I am very familiar with having to jump through a million hoops so as not to become just a number.  (AKA 5 years at KU plus owning a business have trained me for maybe the most important task of my life to date.....the mission of hiring the best people so I don't die, no pressure or anything) 

However my confidence in their abilities might be wavering slightly.  Especially after they informed me that they don't have my images on record, so now I am running around trying to get Menorah (where I was originally diagnosed) to get KU med the test results and the original images and whatever else they need.  And yes just in case anyone was wondering the medical world still operates on a fax machines.....aka dinosaur technology.  Again not real assuring to me, literally rolling my eyes right now.  We have machines that can perform x-rays, administer laproscopic surgeries, scan for cancer, and do things I can't even image....... but no one can copy, scan, and e-mail anything.  What......that is crazy to me!  They actually asked me to go and pick up my images and bring them to KU med, because they were having a hard time getting the fax.......ummm sure I can do that.  Just wondering why I am paying you all so much, if I am doing your job.  Yep that is happening.

I have politely expressed my concerns, and they assured me that everything is going well.  And that I have some of the best doctors working on my case.  Which I really do believe to be true.  The scheduling, records, and data collection staff could use some help.  I was able to successfully hold my tongue and not volunteer my services in training them to perform basic computer tasks such as e-mail, use a copy machine, program appointments into a software, scan records, etc.  All of which I am sure is necessary, but probably would not have been appreciated.  So my plan is to suck it up, keep calm, and carry on. 

This is what I now picture happening in the office at KU Med

On top of everything else........my husbands sweet grandma is fading fast.  She is in her 90's and has had a tough year, so we knew this was coming, but it has still been difficult.  We hope that she goes as peacefully as possible.  We might be making the trip home soon. 

I'll do my best to keep everyone updated, but things are crazy busy over here.