I should have posted this a couple of months ago, but I have been
busy! So over the next couple of days I plan to get everyone updated on
the saga that is my life.
I sold my dance studio!
Yep that happened. I never imaged that I would ever do such a thing. I
finally got to a point in my life where nothing was working out. If it
was meant to be it would have been. People keep asking me why, and I
have many reasons so I am going to try to organize them here.
1.)
I am no longer able to teach dance, due to my many health problems. I
am not sure when I will be able to dance again, it is getting hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still have 3-4
surgeries ahead of me and 2 Herceptin treatments. With my UC will I ever be continent again? Kind of hard to dance with an ostomy, you never know when you'll spring a leak. What will having a j-pouch be like? Will my BC return? If so will I survive it again?
2.)
Time. Last week, this week, and next week I have three doctors
appointments. I was told early on that things would eventually slow
down, well they haven't at all. It is hard to run a business when you
are spending %50-%75 of your time battling health issues. My students
and clients deserved someone who could be at the dance studio, and that
just isn't possible for the time being.
3.)
Confidence.......The last year I've been spending a lot of time asking
myself what if? What if I didn't make it, who would run the studio?
Would that burden fall onto my family? Would it close?
4.)
Priorities........Should I really be spending 60-70 hours a week
working? Especially if those hours are nights and weekend (aka time
with family and friends).
5.) Stress! What if all
the stress of running a business caused some of my health problems? How
is staying put and maintaining the same lifestyle beneficial?
6.)
I need a CHANGE! Every heartbreaking experience (chemo, surgery,
radiation, etc.) has been in this community. Owning a business like a
dance studio nails you to one spot. With the studio I couldn't move on
even if I wanted to. And I can't help but be reminded of all the
negative stuff that has happened. I
would like to someday be happy or even just okay.
I could go on and on
about all the reasons why I decided to sell the studio. But it wouldn't
change the fact I let go of my lifelong dream and that is just depressing. How many people honestly train their entire lives for their job? My
stupid ongoing health issues forced me to cut my loses and move on. And I still feel sad about how everything worked out. I loved teaching and dancing. I miss it. I am hoping that someday I will be okay with my decision, but currently I feel defeated.
